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What are the Rules of the Family Constellation

Family constellations work offers profound insights into the dynamics of familial relationships, drawing on the intricate threads that connect past and present generations. This transformative approach provides individuals with the tools necessary to explore deep-seated issues and entanglements within their family systems. Here, we look into the fundamental rules of family constellations, offering a clearer understanding of the principles that underpin this unique therapeutic methodology.

1. Right to Belong

At the core of family constellations lies the principle of belonging. Every family member—past, present, or future—holds an inherent right to be acknowledged and included in the family system. Exclusions, whether intentional or unconscious, have lasting repercussions on the collective family dynamic. The system instinctively strives for wholeness and completeness, affirming that each individual’s presence contributes to the overall balance of the family.

2. Levels of Conscience

Family constellations posit three levels of conscience: personal, family, and the “great soul.” The personal and family consciences often dictate perceptions of right and wrong, instilling feelings of deservingness or undeservingness. In contrast, the great soul operates based on archetypal rules of nature, transcending notions of morality. This collective conscience focuses on restoring equilibrium, even when actions may appear harsh or unyielding.

3. Entanglements

Entanglements represent the intricate and often painful dynamics in family systems. They occur when a current family member, typically a child, unconsciously identifies with an excluded or forgotten ancestor. This identification manifests as a form of loyalty—often termed “blind love”—where the child may replicate the struggles or tragedies of that ancestor in an attempt to restore family integrity for their own survival. Entanglements can result in various manifestations, including emotional distress, illness, or adverse life circumstances and early deaths.

4. Purpose

The primary goal of a family constellation is to illuminate these entanglements and the underlying dynamics that sustain them. Healing emerges when participants acknowledge the reality of their experiences without judgment. This recognition enables the entangled individual to break free from the burdens of past generations, reclaiming their autonomy and sense of self.

5. Acknowledging What Is

In family constellation work, acknowledging reality—as it exists—is pivotal to the healing process. Even the most distressing truths are embraced, as resistance perpetuates suffering. Acceptance of ‘what is’ allows individuals to begin healing from the inside out.

6. Aspects of Family Conscience

Key aspects of family conscience involve concepts of innocence/guilt, balance, order, and bonding. Innocence flourishes when a sense of belonging and safety is experienced, while guilt arises from the fear of losing that belonging. The system seeks to maintain balance in giving and receiving, particularly between partners. Additionally, order pertains to the acknowledgment of prior generations, emphasizing that those who came first have more rights. Bonding reflects the effort to foster connections that promote life and unity.

7. Victims and Perpetrators

Acknowledgment between victims and perpetrators is essential for familial healing. Each party must recognize the other’s experience to dissolve tension and conflict within the broader family system. The great soul emphasizes reconciliation and unity, suggesting that there are no “bad” people—only those entangled in cycles of pain and suffering. This is not about forgiving, more about understanding and mourning.

8. Constellation Parts

Family constellations consist of two primary components: uncovering hidden dynamics influencing the family and facilitating healing movements aimed at restoring balance. These movements may involve powerful statements or interventions to foster understanding and compassion.

9. Morphic Resonance

Rupert Sheldrake’s concept of morphic resonance highlights the energy fields that envelop family constellations. This “knowing field” encompasses memory dynamics between the living and deceased, influencing interactions and relationships. Recognizing this interconnectedness can foster a deeper understanding of familial bonds and the flow of energy within the system.

Conclusion

Family constellations present a unique lens through which to view and understand familial relationships. By embracing the fundamental rules of belonging, order, exchange and place – individuals can find pathways to greater psychological and emotional resilience. As we acknowledge and honour our family systems, we pave the way for transformative healing—both for ourselves and for generations to come. By agreeing with reality, we stop wasting energy and can reclaim that energy for our next steps in Life.

Written by Lucy Ascham, Body & Soul Energy Expert

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