A Guide for Change Agents
In his profound work surrounding the art of “helping,” Bert Hellinger introduced what he calls the “Orders of Helping.” Though primarily articulated within the framework of Family Constellations, these orders resonate significantly within organisational contexts, especially for coaches, consultants, and change agents striving to instigate meaningful transformation.
At its core, helping is portrayed as a complex interplay, requiring more than just a willingness to assist. It demands an acute awareness of each unique situation, a comprehensive understanding of systemic dynamics, and a deep sense of humility. Hellinger asserts that helping can either uplift or unintentionally disempower those we aim to support. Thus, recognising the delicate balance between helper and helped becomes crucial.
Helping as an Exchange
Hellinger introduces the notion that every act of helping should ideally leave the helper feeling fulfilled. This sets the stage for the idea that assistance ought to be reciprocal. Helping runs the risk of fostering dependency if we don’t carefully consider our motivations and capacities. We must first ensure our own needs are adequately met before offering support to others. As senior constellator Judith Hemming wisely noted, if helping doesn’t make you happy, you might consider being “well paid” for your efforts. This concept serves as a stark reminder of the potential for burnout in the helping professions when one gives too much without personal replenishment.
Essential Help: Doing the Least
Hellinger argues for a minimalist approach to helping—doing only what is necessary to promote some movement. This perspective encourages helpers to act as neutral facilitators, respected enough to provide insights without imposing their will or agenda. The goal is to meet clients at their current point of need and trust them to engage in their own process of growth and self-realisation. This approach encompasses a broader understanding of systemic potential and promotes solutions tailored to the unique challenges at hand.
The Five Orders of Helping
The richness of Hellinger’s framework is encapsulated in the five orders of helping, each offering critical insights into effective support.
- Helping Has Definite Limits: Helpers should only offer what they possess and recognise the boundaries of their capability.
- Respecting Circumstances: Every interaction must honour the existing context, understanding that not all situations can or should be altered.
- Sidestepping Transference: It is essential to engage clients as equals, eschewing the parent-child dynamic that can obscure responsibility.
- Being on Everyone’s Side: Change agents should perceive clients within the wider system, acknowledging those crucial voices that often go unheard.
- Beyond Judgement: True help is rendered without judgement, fostering reconciliation rather than separation.
Presence and Perception
Hellinger emphasises that these orders shouldn’t be rigidly enforced; rather, they should be applied with discernment and sensitivity. The key lies in cultivating a deep presence—an ability to perceive the nuances of the whole situation and respond accordingly. This presence or stance, enables helpers to operate from a place of authenticity and connection, rather than mere technique.
In conclusion, the “Orders of Helping” serve as a valuable compass for those in change-driven roles. They encourage us to constantly reflect on our practices, fostering a deeper awareness of our impact on those we seek to assist. As we engage with these guiding principles, we not only enhance our professional integrity but also enrich the profound art of helping, transforming both ourselves and those we support in the process.
Family Constellations work can be undertaken by individuals leading large corporations and organisations for their personal and professional growth. Some people are trained in Organisation Constellations for working directly in a company to address the histories and dynamics together as a team.
Taken from an article by Bert Hellinger and translated by Jutta ten Herkel from an article (May 2003)
https://www.wholepartnership.com/the-stance-of-the-systemic-coach-the-orders-of-helping
