Becoming More Fully Ourselves
“Resonance invites us into a joyful relationship with ourselves and others.” Sarah Peyton
Our EMERGENCE/SEXUALITY circuit is the pathway in our brain that lets us be our true selves. It is the part of the brain that supports authenticity, expression, vitality and the courage to bring more of who we are into the world. Sexuality in this context is not only about sex. It is about emergence. It is about a fuller sense of self coming forward in friendships, partnerships, creativity and work. It is the spark of life that lets us say, here I am.
When this circuit is supported, we feel more alive. We laugh more easily. We relax in relationships with more and more people. We feel safe enough to show our quirks, our preferences, our humour , sadness and our tenderness. When the circuit is blocked by trauma or unconscious contracts, we can shrink. We hide. We react instead of connect. We lose access to the sweetness of being ourselves.
Resonance work helps us understand what causes us to react to others and supports our body towards more calm. It helps us see the impact of our trauma histories on our relationships. It helps us learn the role implicit memory plays in reactivity, and how empathy and resonance can transform that reactivity into calm and connection. “The more authenticity we can bring, the more true love becomes possible”, says Sarah Peyton.
Imagine you are having a calm conversation with a friend. Their voice suddenly sharpens, not loudly, just a slight edge. Your stomach tightens. Your shoulders lift. You feel a flash of heat or a drop of fear. Do you apologise quickly, go quiet, or feel the urge to defend yourself?
Nothing dangerous has happened. But your body reacts as if it has.
This is implicit memory.
Your nervous system has stored past moments when a sharp voice meant danger, criticism or humiliation. Those memories live in the body, not in words. So when your friend’s tone shifts, your body leaps into protection mode before your thinking brain can evaluate the present moment.
You are not reacting to your friend. You are reacting to your past.
Trauma can entangle the circuits. If sexuality and rage circuits get tangled, this can lead to people being turned on and immediately becoming violent. Resonance can help us disentangle these wounds and old contracts, once set up for our safety or protection can be released and replaced. Some contracts or promises we make with ourselves, can tell us to stay small, stay quiet, stay pleasing to others perhaps for our safety and belonging. These contracts block emergence. They keep us from being seen.
Neuroscience gives us leverage to understand why this happens and how to unwind it. We learn to tell the difference between instrumental connections, where we perform a role, and relational connections, where we are welcomed as ourselves. Resonant language helps us walk the path toward more richness, meaning and intimacy.
I grew up learning to be careful with my expression. I learned to be polite, helpful and quiet – a good girl. I learned to keep parts of myself tucked away so I wouldn’t cause trouble to my overloaded mother or take up too much space in our busy house. For years I didn’t realise how much of my natural spark I had hidden. In resonance sessions over the years, Sarah Peyton would gently guess what mattered to me, what I longed for, what I wanted to express. I’d try it on for size, was it this or was it something else? No, it’s more like this, I’d say. Each time I’d learn a little more about what is true for me
Slowly I felt the warmth of being welcomed just as I am. And over time, I began to notice moments when more of my unfiltered self would peek out. I laugh more freely these days and get to be goofy or share something honest without bracing. I am also more creative in words and cookery and play.
Each of these are like a small emergence – like a dormouse coming out to check the environment and experience safety – each time, and so a part of me unfurls and grows. This circuit is still growing in me, and I am learning to trust its sweetness. And to have more expectations of being met with warmth and delight.
I remember working with a person who arrived feeling flat and disconnected. They said they didn’t know who they were anymore. As we talked together, small memories surfaced of times they had been criticised for being too much, too loud, too dramatic. Of course their body had learned to dim itself. With my resonance guesses they began to feel tiny sparks of aliveness again. Some tears of disappointment or mourning what they wanted but didn’t get. We shared moments of humour. And subjects which were once so painful, could be spoken of in a more even way. Every moment they would share something… and I would meet them with the same warmth I’d received from Resonance work with Sarah over the years, gave them the trust to share more. As my brain has changed it is now helping support their brian to change and rewire. They said, “I didn’t realise how much of me had gone quiet and how much I left unsaid until now.” As their emergence circuit was supported they told me that more memories have returned, of times they enjoyed their partner and life was getting richer at home. They felt more relaxed, more playful and more connected and courageous.
What this circuit makes possible
- Authenticity The courage to show who we are.
- Vitality The spark that makes life feel meaningful.
- Relational connection The ability to be seen and welcomed.
- Intimacy Not only sexual intimacy, but emotional closeness and shared truth.
- Expression Bringing our creativity, humour and preferences into the world.
Sexuality in this circuit is the energy of emergence. It is the part of us that says yes to life, to who we are and who we are becoming. It is the part that wants to be known. It is the part that feels joy when we show up more fully.
Emergence is our birthright. When we are met with warmth and curiosity, we can emerge with the expectancy that our presence is a delight and a gift to ourselves and others.
Resonance helps us reclaim the parts of ourselves that went quiet, that got tangled with other parts, or frozen and little by little, we discover our own sweetness.