“I am free to ask for help”
‘People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their futures’, said FM Alexander.
Information and knowledge are useful. Putting these into action is even more useful. Committing to doing this action one, three, or ten times a day – then you’ll really start to notice the benefits.
As many of you know, one of Alexander’s major discoveries about us mammals is that the relationship between the head and spine govern the coordination of the rest of us. Yes – all of us! Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual – we don’t separate – its all one thing – our Self.
Jigsaw image for colour and curiosity
“I am free to ask for help”
I’m going to just say it. Asking for help can be hard for some people.
They may be suffering a lot of pain, anxiety or stuckiness.
Perhaps you’ve had times like that? Maybe you are in a period of life where the challenges seem huge and you don’t know where to start.
I imagine you have many tools and skills and yet find them hard to use on your own at the moment.
These are extraordinary times, there are levels of tension and anxiety which are huge. And yet for many of us life can look small, mundane and it can be hard to acknowledge the stress of living alone for such lengths of time. What it you are living with people 24/7 and don’t have the usual alone-time, down-time and solitude your soul needs to thrive?
Perhaps there is some shame that gets tangled into the mix – an idea that You should be invulnerable, and able to tackle anything on your own.
Perhaps you have a job title which would imply that you shouldn’t ever experience pain. The job title, or label – Alexander Technique Teacher sometimes has some Gold Standard ideals attached to it as if I should never experience back pain, anxiety or poor coordination. Not true!
I am human, and so are you.
Things happen which are bigger than our one individual brain, nervous system and body can cope with alone.
We thrive on living in community and helping each other out. And yet our society is often shaped to make it look like we should be able to do it all alone. The more privileged we are, the more difficult it can be to justify to ourselves why it absolutely ok, and even necessary to ask for help and get some new imput, some tweak in the way we are currently doing things, which could dramatically improve your current situation.
Perhaps you have a belief that your problem is insignificant and compare yourselves to the many people who are so much worse off than you at the moment.
So what? It doesn’t help them or you if you carry on suffering. In fact the more you are able to help yourself, to ask for help and get what you need – then you are in a much better and more resourced place to help anyone else you choose to. Win:Win
When it comes to asking for help – what if you do ask, and someone says No!?
Ouch. Yes this can hurt. Being vulnerable and asking for what you want can get taught out of us by society’s rule and expectations. I know a lot of the women I work with are ruled by the invisible Law which states that people of a Female disposition should look after everyone else first. Could this be you? Could this be an expectation that, as a man, you have silently agreed to and let yourself be waited on?
We can all benefit by know what we want, or what we don’t want, or the dream of what life could look like.
I suggest you keep asking. Ask someone else. Ask another person. Someone will say Yes with a smile and a glad heart.
What if you ask for help – and someone says Yes?!
Hmm, now this can also be challenging. Then we come out of the stuck place and want and need to move and change something. This can be scary too. I get that!
There can be a tension between wanting something, and staying safely with what we know – even if we can see it isn’t fully working for us.
To me, there is great strength and courage in reaching out and asking for some help.
Recently I needed to renew my house insurance. A job which I can easily put off for ages, it has some yucky associations attached to it, some memories of being Sold something I didn’t really need, that I ended up paying more I’d bargained for, and endless waiting On Hold on the phone with mind-numbing muzak dragging me down.
Do you know what that is like?
Nowadays there are price comparison website sites, direct services and FB to ask many friends for their recommendations.
I was at a stuck place with the insurance deadline looming so I asked my lodger about this, and she made a recommendation. I then asked my son to stand with me until I had got it done.
In this case, I didn’t need an insurance expert, I needed some accompaniment. I knew what to do, a few clicks of the keyboard and the required information had been added to the relevant boxes and choices were made.
I love having someone alongside me as I walk a few tricky steps along the path. It helps me to be witnessed, to know I matter, and to have some warmth of another human breathing with me.
Part of me is embarrassed to admit that I don’t like doing this insurance renewal job. My inner critical voice tells me it is no big deal, a 1st world problem and as an intelligent person I should just get on with! And the truth is I find it tricky to do alone. So what if I had to ask a 10 year old to see it through with me? I was a bit fearful of scorn, shame and hearing a No.
Yet I also know from experience that the quality of Asking is not strained
- It is twice blessed:
- It blesseth them that gives and them that takes.
When I do dare to ask for what I want, what I really, really want – it helps me get closer to my truth and my wish. It lets another person see me, and for me to be seen. It allows me to speak with courage and uncertainty about what is important for me in my life. It allows me the possibility of getting the help I need with the problem I have. It allows me to get a bit clearer about my dreams. It allows me to get out of pain. It allows the other person to have a warm fuzzy feeling in their heart region when they are genuinely gladly able to say Yes to my request. It helps me feel connected and supported by something greater than this one small individual.
We need other people. Other people need us.
Is there anything I can help you with right now? How can I encourage you to ask?
I’m wondering whether to tell you the story about the Alexander Technique teacher who had a sore hip joint and didn’t want to ask for help?
I shall leave that until tomorrow…
I have been working exclusively online for the last 6 weeks and even have some calls on an old fashioned land-line and clients are learning lots and receiving great value.
I am confident that you too can learn via imitation, exploration and with guidance and accompaniment.