A Step-by-Step Guide to Healing and Insight
Family Constellations is a therapeutic approach designed to uncover and heal hidden dynamics within family systems. Developed by Bert Hellinger in the late 20th century, this powerful method has gained recognition for its ability to resolve longstanding emotional issues, relationship difficulties, and even intergenerational traumas. But if you’ve heard of this method and are wondering how to make a Family Constellation, this guide will walk you through the key steps of the process.
What Is a Family Constellation?
Before diving into the steps, let’s briefly define what a Family Constellation is. It’s a structured yet intuitive process that seeks to reveal unseen family dynamics that might be affecting your emotional or physical well-being. These dynamics can often be traced back through generations, as unhealed traumas, exclusions, or entanglements in the family system continue to influence descendants.
Step 1: Set Your Intention
The first step in making a Family Constellation is to set your intention. This involves identifying the specific issue or area in your life that you’d like to explore. It could be a relationship problem, recurring family conflicts, feelings of being stuck, or even unexplained emotional or physical pain. Take a moment to ask yourself what aspect of your life you feel needs clarity or healing. The clearer your intention, the more focused the constellation will be. The work needs this emotional longing to fuel the exploration. If you aren’t clear, a Facilitator can help you.
Step 2: Find a Skilled Facilitator
A trained and experienced facilitator is essential for a successful Family Constellation. Facilitators are skilled in holding a space for deep emotional work and guiding participants through the process in a safe and compassionate manner. They are also experienced in noticing patterns, intuitively understanding the family system, and leading participants toward meaningful insights and resolutions. Do some research, and find a facilitator with whom you feel comfortable and safe. In the UK the Centre for Systemic Constellations is the largest and longest standing training course for Facilitators. https://www.thecsc.net
Step 3: Gather As A Group or Prepare for a One-on-One Session
Family Constellations can be done in a group or one-on-one setting – in person and online. In a group, other participants take on the role of your family members, while in a private session, objects or small figurines may be used to represent members of your family system. Online there are simple whiteboards where marks and simple figures can be drawn by the facilitator to place and move relevant people and elements. In either case, the intention is the same: to create a “living map” of your family dynamic, where each person or object represents a different family member or important element in your life. With each person or element like a cluster of related stars like a Constellation.
If you’re participating in a group setting, the facilitator will ask you to choose participants from the group to represent your family members. These people will stand in different positions in the room, representing the relational dynamics between family members. In a one-on-one session, you and the facilitator will place objects or figurines to represent each person in your family, creating a visual representation of your family system. Online, this can be done very successfully on a shared whiteboard.
Step 4: Let the Process Unfold
Once the constellation is set up, the facilitator will guide you through the process of uncovering hidden dynamics. This might involve asking the representatives or you to express any sensations, emotions, or thoughts that arise while standing in the role of a family member. Often, the participants begin to feel the emotional landscape of the family they are representing, even without knowing anything about the actual people.
As the constellation unfolds, long-hidden patterns may be revealed. These can include unresolved grief, unspoken family secrets, or entanglements where one person has unconsciously carried the emotional burden of another. The facilitator will often suggest healing statements or actions, such as acknowledging a family member’s rightful place or releasing an emotional burden. These small yet meaningful acts help shift the energy within the system.
Step 5: Reflect and Integrate
After the constellation comes to a natural conclusion, it’s essential to take time to reflect on the experience – to let it marinade, not to over-think it. Whether done in a group or privately, the process can be deeply emotional and insightful. The constellation might uncover patterns you hadn’t seen before, but with this new understanding, you can begin to release old wounds and take steps toward healing.
Integration is key. Allow yourself time to process the insights gained during the session. Journaling, meditating, or simply reflecting on your experience in the days and weeks that follow can help solidify the transformation that has begun. It is often advised not to speak to others about it in the early days as the movement unfolds new possibilities. And trying to explain this to people who were not there, can disrupt this movement.
Final Thoughts
Making a Family Constellation is a profound way to explore the emotional ties that bind you to your family system. By creating a “living map” of your family dynamics, you can reveal hidden patterns, unresolved traumas, and entanglements that may be affecting your life today. With the guidance of a skilled facilitator, the constellation process can bring about deep emotional healing and provide new perspectives on the relationships that shape your life.
It is not possible to do a Family Constellation on your own – it needs a skilled facilitator to bring the overall perspective, the Orders of Love, that Bert Hellinger named to shine a light on the hidden corners of our lives.
If you feel drawn to exploring your family’s hidden dynamics or healing intergenerational wounds, consider participating in a Family Constellation. This powerful process can open doors to understanding, acceptance, and lasting transformation.
Lucy Ascham trained with the Centre for Systemic Constellations 2019-24 and has monthly ongoing Supervision work with Trainer Sheila McCarthy-Dodd to support holding space for your healing. If you have any questions, please get in touch lucy@lucyascham.com
